People are People

In the summer of 2003, I, along with an entire roster of athletes and their parents, began preparing for a trip to Europe in order to experience different cultures and different brands of football (soccer). Our trip would take us to Czech Republic, Austria, and Holland. During the months leading up to our departure, we lost a few players. Fears over safety and how Europeans viewed Americans scared a few parents into doing what they thought best for their daughters. I do not blame them. There are enough Americans abroad who have given us a bad name that sometimes I wonder whether the smile I receive from the Chinese who surround me is genuine or not.

When our trip finally commenced during the summer of 2004, what I learned was two-fold: Americans, including myself, present themselves in a bad light by not trying to fit into the culture to which they have visited; and people around the world love people, the saving grace of the first part. When I mistakenly asked a question of the KLM attendant while still chewing on a bit of sandwich, her question, "Are you enjoying that?" reminded me how rude I was being (ugly American). However, when Dasha, our interpreter in Czech Republic received our parting gifts with tears in her eyes, I learned very quickly that people around the world love people. I guess it should have come as no surprise then when I attended a Chinese wedding that it would, in some ways, resemble a ceremony much like ours.
The happy bride and groom dressed in much the same fashion as our betrothed would. While it is certainly still standard to see the bride and groom at a rural wedding in traditional Chinese attire, it has become more commonplace in the city for the bride to wear an elaborate white gown and the groom to wear a black tuxedo. Men may choose a tuxedo in the more tradition Zhong Shan Zhuang style, but it is a tuxedo none the less--this groom wears a Xi Zhuang or 'Western style' (lapels) tuxedo. The young man is the son of the 'laobanniang' (female shopkeeper/shopkeeper's wife) of a small restaurant outside of the school's campus. She invited up to ten staff members to join the wedding party, thanking KIA for the patronage our staff and students afford her business.
I will admit that I hesitated to have my picture taken with the happy couple: me, the big pink Meiguoren, with the beautiful bride and proud groom. However, everyone, bride, groom, parents, standers-by, all wanted the picture, so each of the staff members present took our turns getting our pictures taken. (People love people, and it seems that Chinese people love to have foreigners, especially Americans, at their festivities). We were offered traditional gifts--chocolates, peanuts, and cigarettes--upon entering the banquet hall, and then led to our table.
The entire ceremony took place like a banquet. All the guests were seated at tables of ten, and a rounder on the table came furnished with drinks. Our table had beer, wine, Sprite and Coke. However, as soon as we sat down, all of those were removed and replaced with individual bottles of Coca-Cola. No other table received this treatment. All we could think was that during our lunches at the restaurant, the laobanniang noticed that most of the staff members went next door for cold drinks, most notably Coca-Cola. Therefore, to make us feel at home, this offering was brought to us without asking. We were all surprised--and the wine-drinkers among us wondered where the bottle had gone--and pleased at the obvious gesture of curtiousy.
As stated above, the entire ceremony resembled more of our after-marriage reception. This ceremony was led by a female MC, seen above, dressed in red, a traditional color of celebration. She performed a type of Roast and Toast for the happy couple, asking them questions about how and where they met, and what their plans for the future would be. She also presented the parents of the bride and groom, and they all went through a separate ceremony much like our lighting of the family candle. I found it inspiring to see the parents shedding tears, much like ours do, because I rarely have seen the Chinese people to become extremely emotional about anything. But on this night, tears of joy were shed. While all of this is going on, the feast was served. It began with noodles, and progressed into a variety of meat and vegetable dishes--the more meat served the better people will think of the wedding, because meat costs more than vegetables. We had dishes piled on our table's rounder, and it kept coming. In fact, when I ran out of Coke, another bottle was furnished to replace the empty one. We ate fish, beef, pork, chicken, rice, cabbage, toufu, mantou (steamed loaves of bread), and more. Every time we thought we neared the end, a new dish arrived. The bride and groom visited each table, making a toast, which we returned. The parents of both also came to the table for a similar toast; once again, we replied heartily. Finally, instead of rice, which did not surprise me, people showered the newlyweds with rose petals.
Depeche Mode, a band from the Eighties, sang a thoroughly depressing song about people, and while I do not espouse the entirety of their lyrics, I must admit that "People are People. . . ." It should come as no surprise that if you travel at all, you will find that people are willing to be your friend, if you are willing to be theirs. However, it does put the onus on each of us to present ourselves as people worth knowing. I worry that when I return to the States, I will do things that I do not think twice about doing here, but things that will be viewed as rude or disrespectful by those back home. I know that I have done things here that I had to be informed of as being unacceptable to the Chinese culture. I worry that maybe, after a time, I will not be American or Chinese. I will simply be Yaiguoren (foreigner). Luckily for me (and you), People are People.